Wednesday, 29 February 2012


One man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little
son has swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same
man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.

Tuesday, 28 February 2012


A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother? 'He answered, 'Call for backup.'

Monday, 27 February 2012

my father

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.
'The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.
'The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!!!

Sunday, 26 February 2012

good manners !!

Teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students this Question:

Michael if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom??

Michael:"Just a minute, I have to go pee.."

Teacher: That would be rude & impolite.. How about you Sam??

Sam said:"I really need to go to the Toilet, i'm sorry.."

Teacher: That's better but still not nice to say the word Toilet..
Oh you Little Johnny?? Can you use your brain??

Little Johnny said:"Darling, May i please be excused for a moment?? I've got to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom i hope to introduce to you after dinner."


Saturday, 25 February 2012

The Newest Computer

don't copy if you can't paste

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.

He said: "The best years of my life
were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
There was laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to
crack this very effective joke at home.

He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years
of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife."

The wife went: "Aahhhh!" with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke,
the manager finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was."

By the time the manager regained his
consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling

The moral of the story is don't copy if you can't paste.

Thursday, 23 February 2012

Wht a lie.....

Boy Friend : Babe what are you doing?

Girl Friend : Nothing much, really tired! Just going to sleep now, Honey. And you, Sweetheart?

Boy Friend : In the club, standing behind you.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

insurance policy

The husband of a pregnant wife was thinking of buying insurance for his unborn baby.

So he asked Great Eastern and the agent said "Don't worry man, we'll provide insurance right FROM THE BASKET TO THE CASKET".

The man was impressed but thought that he should probably seek another opinion.
He then approached Prudential and the agent replied "Oh, we have a new insurance policy which can protect your unborn child FROM THE WOMB RIGHT UP TO THE TOMB".

The man was stunned but thought that maybe all salesmen like to bullshit and decided to see the agent from LIC of India.

He told the LIC agent what Prudential and Great Eastern had to offer. The LIC agent thought for a while and then said "Tell you something, we have one that is even better than Prudential and Great Eastern. We'll insure your child FROM ERECTION TO RESURRECTION"

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Investment risks

man got two wishes from god.
He asked for the Best drink & best woman...
the next moment he got Mineral water & Mother teresa...

Investment matters are subject to market risks. Please read the offer document carefully before investing...

Monday, 20 February 2012

smart boy

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter
The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop,but the customer insisted on buying only 1/2 kg.

So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter".

To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So the boy added immediately,"And this gentleman wants to buy the other half !!!!!!".
After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. 

Where do you come from?'' To this the boy said,"I come from Mexico.
The place consists of only prostitutes and football players !!!!!".

The manager replied coldly,"My wife is also from Mexico".
To this the boy asked excitedly,"Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?''

Sunday, 19 February 2012

Total Mein Kamal

Teacher to Student's Father: See your son's report card .
English-6, Math - 7, Science -4 , Social science - 8, total 25.
Father :Total mein toh kamal hi kar diya. bina tution ke...

Saturday, 18 February 2012

Control your speed

Three men were drunk, they stopped a taxi.

The taxi driver figured that they were drunk,he just switched on the engine & switched it off & told them, we have arrived.

The first guy gave him money,
Second guy said thanks but the
Third guy slapped him.

The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them must have realized that the car didn't move an inch.

so he asked, what was that for?

Guy Replied, control your speed next time Dude, you almost killed us..

Friday, 17 February 2012

The Older One Should Sit Here

Two Ladies Fighting For A Seat In A Bus .

Bus Conductor: The Older One Should Sit Here...

Both Looked At Each Other...

And The Seat Remained Empty.

Thursday, 16 February 2012

bad husband !!

cop:-" i m sorry sir,
but your wife has been involved in a fatel car accident and we had like you to come with us so you can identify the body"

men-i'm a bit busy rite now can't you take a photo and tag me on facebook?
if its her i'll click like. :-)

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Kitny Aadmi the?

Gabbar: Kitne admi they?
Sambha: Sardar 2
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar: Aur 2 se pehle?
Samba: 2 se pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata
Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Sardar died of brain tumor

Sardar died of brain tumor because of trying to solve one question again and again.

"if my sister has two brothers, the how can I have only one brother??"…

Monday, 13 February 2012

past tense

Teacher: Today, we are going to talk about the tenses. 
                Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which  tense is it? 

Student: Obviously it is the past tense.

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Health and Games

Doctor: Do exercise daily for gud health

Me: Sir i play football, cricket, tennis daily.

Doctor: how long do you play?

Me : until the battery in my mobile goes down !! 

Before and After

Girl Friend : "Chand Kahan Hai..???"
Boy Friend : Do Jagah, Ek Tum Aur Ek Upar....
After Marriage:
Girl Friend (now wife) : "Dear Chand Kahan Hai..??"
Boy Friend (now husband) : "Andhi Hai Kya..???? Upar Dikhai Nahi Deta...Wo.. Upar Kya Tera Baap Torch Le Ke Khada Hai.....????????????????????????????"