Driver mar gaya kya?

Ek baar ek Totaa (Bole to Parrot ) Ud Raha tha full speed par ....

Uske Saamne full speed me ek Ferrari AA rahi thi ...

Dono ki takkar hui ...

Totaa Behosh ...

Raste me Ek Beggar tha

Usne Tote ko uthaya aur Ghar Le gaya ...

Usko Marham lagaya ..

Aur Pinjare me rakh diya ...

Jab Tote ko hosh aaya ...

Usne apne aap ko Pinjare me dekha ...
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Bola ...
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"AAILA ... JAIL .... Who Ferrari ka Driver mar gaya kya ??

Check out the IT Field for U !

1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
16. DELL : Deplorable Equipment & lackluster
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
20. PATNI: Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments.
21. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana

SANTA ANSWER MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY

Have you heard of Mr. Santa Singh applying to a medical school to become a doctor?

Needless to say he never made it. You know why?

These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam.

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - The study of the paintings.

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.

Caesarean section - a district in Rome.

Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.

Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.

Chronic - neck of a crow.

Coma - punctuation mark.

Cortisone - area around local court.

Cyst - short for sister.

Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.

Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.

Dislocation - in this place.

Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.

Enema - not a friend.

Fake labour - pretending to work.

Genes - blue denim.

Hernia - she is close by.

Impotent - distinguished/well known.

Labour pain - hurt at work.

Lactose - people without toes.

Lymph - walk unsteadily.

Microbes - small dressing gown.

Obesity - city of Obe.

Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize.

Proteins - in favour of teens.

Pulse - grain.

Pus - small cat.

Red blood count - Dracula.

Secretion - hiding anything.

Tablet - small table.

Ultrasound - radical noise.

Urine - opposite of you're out.

Varicose - very close.

Ekdum Filmy love letter

When I am: Kareeb

There is only: Khamoshi

I want to speak: Dil Se

That's my kind of: Ishq

I want this to be: Gupt

As I always have: Darr

That I will loose you: Sajani

And that would be great: Sadma

I am your: Mr.Aashique

But sometimes bit: Deewana

Tell me: Hum Aapke Hain Kaun

As I feel : Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

In this : Duniya Dilwalon Ki

I told you: Maine Pyar Kiya

May be : Dil To Pagal Hai

Because: Jab Pyar Kisise Hota Hai

The whole world appears as: Dushman

But anyway: Pyar To Hona Hi Tha

Taxi Driver

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed , lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

Bear and Rabbit

There once was a bear and a rabbit and they hated each other. The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a magical talking tree.

The tree said: "I will grant you 3 wishes a piece if you will stop fighting!"

So the bear went first. "I wish all the bears in the forest are females."

And all the bears in the forest turned into females.

The rabbit said: "I wish I had a helmet." Rabbit gets the helmet and the bear looks at him funny.

The bear wishes: "I wish all the bears in the country are females." The wish was granted.

The rabbit says, "I wish I have a motorcycle." By this point the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he's ever seen.

The rabbit could wish for money and have all the motorcycles in the world.

The bear says: "I wish all the bears in the world are female." The wish is granted.

When it's the rabbit's turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his motorcycle, starts and says: "I wish that turn this bear in gay ."

PYAR se samjhana

Principal ROUND pe nikla. dekha 1 teacher 1 ladhki ko
kiss kar raha hai.

PRICIPAL - what is this ?

Teacher - Maar se samjahti nahi, isiliye PYAR se samjha raha tha .....;)

JOB in Airtel

send your CV to JOBS@Airtel.in 
Last date :- 31 April. 
Location :- Ahmedabad 
Salary :- 32000/month 
Job Nature :- airtel k tower per beith kar vodafone ke signal rokna.


Bura Na mano Holi Hai.

Dad watching Fashion TV

Dad watching Fashion TV....

Suddenly son came. ..

Dad: Gareeb ladkiaan hain...kap de lene k liye bhi paise nai hain..

Son: Isse bhi gareeb chaiye toh CD hai mere paas..

Laloo's job in US

Laloo sent his BioData to apply for a post in Microsoft USA. Few days later he got this reply:


Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements.
Please do not send any further correspondence.
... No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks
Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference-

"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogi ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayi hai."
Everyone was delighted. He continued "Ab hum aap sab ko apna appointment Letter padhkar sunaungaa ? Par letter angrezi mein hai isliye saath-saath Hindi main translate bhi karunga."

Dear Mr. Laloo -Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiya
You do not meet -aap to milte hi nahin ho
our requirement -humko to zarurat hai
Please do not send any further correspondence -ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zarurat nahin
No phone call -phoonwa ka bhi zarurat nahin hai
shall be entertained -bahut khaatir ki jayegi
Thanks -aapka bahut dhanyavad
Bill Gates - Tohar Bilva

Good job :)

Pawan joined  new job
1st day he worked till late evening

Boss asked :
What you did till evening ?

He replied :
Keyboard alphabets were not in order,
So I made it all right.

call of death

A Husband makes a Call to Hospital to inquire about his pregnant wife.
But accidently the call went to a cricket stadium.


He asked what is the condition.
He died after what he heard.


Guess What would be the reply ....
It is ...




7 are already out.




3 More will be out hopefully by lunch.




and .................................






The first one was a DUCK

Power of the media

A servant enrolled his donkey in a race & won.
The local paper read: 'SERVANT's ASS WON'.
The king was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the servant to get rid of the donkey.
He gave the donkey to the queen.
The local paper then read:
"QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN".
The king fainted. Queen sold the donkey to a farmer for 10$
Next day paper read:
"QUEEN SELLS HER ASS FOR $10"
This was too much, KING ordered the queen to buy back the donkey & leave it to d jungle. The next day Headlines:
"QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD & FREE"
The king died next day!
its...Power of the media..

emergency

One man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little
son has swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same
man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.

backup

A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother? 'He answered, 'Call for backup.'

my father

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.
'The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.
'The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!!!

good manners !!

Teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students this Question:

Michael if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom??

Michael:"Just a minute, I have to go pee.."

Teacher: That would be rude & impolite.. How about you Sam??

Sam said:"I really need to go to the Toilet, i'm sorry.."

Teacher: That's better but still not nice to say the word Toilet..
Oh you Little Johnny?? Can you use your brain??

Little Johnny said:"Darling, May i please be excused for a moment?? I've got to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom i hope to introduce to you after dinner."

"TEACHER FAINTED!!!"

The Newest Computer

don't copy if you can't paste

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.

He said: "The best years of my life
were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
There was laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to
crack this very effective joke at home.

He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years
of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife."

The wife went: "Aahhhh!" with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke,
the manager finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was."

By the time the manager regained his
consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling
water.

The moral of the story is don't copy if you can't paste.

Wht a lie.....

Boy Friend : Babe what are you doing?


Girl Friend : Nothing much, really tired! Just going to sleep now, Honey. And you, Sweetheart?

Boy Friend : In the club, standing behind you.

insurance policy

The husband of a pregnant wife was thinking of buying insurance for his unborn baby.

So he asked Great Eastern and the agent said "Don't worry man, we'll provide insurance right FROM THE BASKET TO THE CASKET".

The man was impressed but thought that he should probably seek another opinion.
He then approached Prudential and the agent replied "Oh, we have a new insurance policy which can protect your unborn child FROM THE WOMB RIGHT UP TO THE TOMB".

The man was stunned but thought that maybe all salesmen like to bullshit and decided to see the agent from LIC of India.

He told the LIC agent what Prudential and Great Eastern had to offer. The LIC agent thought for a while and then said "Tell you something, we have one that is even better than Prudential and Great Eastern. We'll insure your child FROM ERECTION TO RESURRECTION"

Investment risks

man got two wishes from god.
He asked for the Best drink & best woman...
the next moment he got Mineral water & Mother teresa...

lesson:
Investment matters are subject to market risks. Please read the offer document carefully before investing...

smart boy

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter
The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop,but the customer insisted on buying only 1/2 kg.


So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter".


To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So the boy added immediately,"And this gentleman wants to buy the other half !!!!!!".
After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. 


Where do you come from?'' To this the boy said,"I come from Mexico.
The place consists of only prostitutes and football players !!!!!".
The manager replied coldly,"My wife is also from Mexico".
To this the boy asked excitedly,"Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?''

Total Mein Kamal

Teacher to Student's Father: See your son's report card .
English-6, Math - 7, Science -4 , Social science - 8, total 25.
Father :Total mein toh kamal hi kar diya. bina tution ke...

Control your speed

Three men were drunk, they stopped a taxi.

The taxi driver figured that they were drunk,he just switched on the engine & switched it off & told them, we have arrived.

The first guy gave him money,
Second guy said thanks but the
Third guy slapped him.

The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them must have realized that the car didn't move an inch.

so he asked, what was that for?

Guy Replied, control your speed next time Dude, you almost killed us..

The Older One Should Sit Here

Two Ladies Fighting For A Seat In A Bus .

Bus Conductor: The Older One Should Sit Here...

Both Looked At Each Other...

And The Seat Remained Empty.

bad husband !!

cop:-" i m sorry sir,
but your wife has been involved in a fatel car accident and we had like you to come with us so you can identify the body"

men-i'm a bit busy rite now can't you take a photo and tag me on facebook?
if its her i'll click like. :-)

Kitny Aadmi the?

Gabbar: Kitne admi they?
Sambha: Sardar 2
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar: Aur 2 se pehle?
Samba: 2 se pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata
Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do.

Sardar died of brain tumor

Sardar died of brain tumor because of trying to solve one question again and again.

"if my sister has two brothers, the how can I have only one brother??"…

past tense

Teacher: Today, we are going to talk about the tenses. 
                Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which  tense is it? 


Student: Obviously it is the past tense.

Health and Games

Doctor: Do exercise daily for gud health


Me: Sir i play football, cricket, tennis daily.


Doctor: how long do you play?


Me : until the battery in my mobile goes down !! 

Before and After

Girl Friend : "Chand Kahan Hai..???"
Boy Friend : Do Jagah, Ek Tum Aur Ek Upar....
..
..
After Marriage:
..
Girl Friend (now wife) : "Dear Chand Kahan Hai..??"
Boy Friend (now husband) : "Andhi Hai Kya..???? Upar Dikhai Nahi Deta...Wo.. Upar Kya Tera Baap Torch Le Ke Khada Hai.....????????????????????????????"